I am not okay
by CoolMilena
Summary: Behind every Great love is a Great story.No happy endings! Read and Review
1. Chapter 1

_This fiction starts strange,because there is a song and memorises messed up togeter.But I hope it wont confuse you!Its a sad story.Pairings are HP/GW(at first)DM/GW,RW/HrG,and others._

_I do NOT owe J.K Rowling or her HP characters..:-(_

**Well if you wanted honesty that is all you had to say. **_I love you Draco Malfoy._**I never want to let you down or have you go.It is better of this way.**_No!Do not believe her!I would never do that to you! _**For all the dirty looks.**_How could you Ginevra Molly Weasley?To your own family?_**The photographs your boyfriend took.**_Harry!You know I do not like taking pictures of me._**Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the 2nd floor.**_What happened to her? I….she just jumped._

_**I AM NOT OKAY!**_

_**YOU WEAR ME OUT!**_

**What will it také to show you that it is not the life it seems.**_ I hate my life,mum!_**I have told you time and time again you sing the words but dont know what it means.**_No,I understand you!_**To be a joke and look,another line without a hook.I held you close as we both shook.**_I love you too,and it scares me._**For the last time-take a good hard look.**

_**I AM NOT OKAY!**_

_**YOU WEAR ME OUT!**_

_Forget about the dirty looks!The photographs your boyfriend took!You said you would read me like a book,but the pages are torn and frayed._

_**Now I am okay!**_

**Trust me.**

_**I am NOT okay!**_

**_And wont be in a long time……….._ **

_Stick with me,please!  
_

_**Read and Review**_

_The song is by "My Chemical Romance"and it is called obviously „I am not okay"_


	2. Chapter 2

My name is Ginevra Molly Weasley or should I say Malfoy?I am 24 years old.I am working as a healer in St.Mungos Hospital.I live in a comfortable flat in London,yes,in muggle London.I like it better there.I guess it is so because everything that is somehow tied with magic is admonishing me of _him_

But you even dont who _he _is.Well it all started eight years ago.In summer,they worst summer in the whole wizarding community.Death was everywhere,Dumbledore left us,so did Sírius and my brother Bill too.Hogwarts was closed,I couldnt believe that,I loved that school.And so did Harry Potter my ex boyfriend.He is a wonderful person.Caring,unselfish,kind,sweet, shy,and still after all that he went through he doesnt want _all that glory_.

July,1997

„_Good morning,everyone." _I said to my family,but deep inside I knew that the morning is not good at all,Bill left us just month ago,but we must move on.

„_Good morning,dear!" _Greeted me my mum.

Everybody was around the table,the whole Order.Ron,Hermione,Harry,dad,Fred and George,Tonks and Lupin,and well me.I am was a new member of the Order,and tonight I should be given some task.I remember how excited I was.

I sat down and started eating fried eggs.Hermione was reading **_Daily Proplet_**.

„_Anyone we know dead?" _asked an irritated Ron.

„_Yes,Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy were murdered by Voldemort!"_mumbled a shocked Hermione.

Everybody was so shocked,that nobody spoked for about three minutes.

„_What?Are you sure?"_asked Lupin.

„_Yes,it says here that Lucius was murdered in prison by Avada Kedavra,and that Narcissa was raped before being killed the same way,thats horrible!And other Aurors are now looking for Draco,but there is no sign."_Hermione sighted.

„_He must be feeling terrible."_I said,and I didnt know why but I felt sorry for him.

„_Ofcourse,Ginny.It was his only family.But still he is on the bad side."_said Molly.

I just nodded.She was right.

„_We should get going,tonight is meeting at eight,dont be late kids."_said Tonks and together with Lupin and the twins went off.

The rest of the day went okay.Ron and Harry played chess.And I and Hermione talked a little bit.After dinner I went with Harry for a walk,and he took a muggle camera with him.And started taking pictures of me.

„_Harry!You know that I dont like when someones taking pictures of me."_

„_Calm down Ginny.Okay I will stop,if you insist"_

„_Thanks"_

„_You are beautiful,you know that"_Harry said quietly,and kissed me.

It felt strange.I remember at school when we were going outit felt different from what I was feeling now.It felt like I was kissing a brother.There was no spark.So I broke the kiss.

„_We better get inside.Its getting dark"_

„_Okay"_

It was 3p.m and it was dark.So unusual.

I went straight to my room.were I was thinking about my life,war.everything .I was so young.

„_Today on this meeting we will talk about something very serious and dangerous"_

Lupin was speaking,he always was.I was so excited.I wanted so much to be useful for the Order.

„_We were thinking of putting someone of you on a very important mission."_

**Wow!**

„_We need someone young and unknown to Voldemort,so Harry,Ron and Hermione are out of game"_

There was a deep silence so I broke in.

„_What about me?I could do it!"_

„_Ginevra!"_shrieked my mum,but I ignored her and looked Lupin straight into the eyes.

„_Ginny,do you understand that this is very,very dangerous."_He looked at me with disapproving look.

„_But I will do it!I am not afraid,please…Remus."_

He sighted and then said.

„_We thought about you with Moody but…okay Ginny.I will tell you what is it about,and if you dont want to do it,you dont have to.Okay?"_

„_Remus!She is too young!"_mum yelled.

„_Mum!I will handle it!"_

„_Could everyone leave us alone for ten minutes?"_asked Lupin and everyone left.

„_So Ginny,you will be a spy.We will put in newspapers that you ran from home.That you dont want to be in the Order.You will live in the Knockturn alley,and you will try to find there someone of the Death Eaters,and you will say that you want to be on the Dark Lords side..Its dangerous!He must believe you that you wont betray him,that you are not a spy for the Order!So he might ask some tasks from you and a lot of questions.You must complete the tasks even if it means to kill.Okay?With every other thing the Order will help you.The best way to gain Dark Lords trust is to befriend some of the Death Eaters.The best choice isso far - Draco Malfoy.His parents were just Miller and I dont think that he loves Voldemort right now,and he didnt want to kill Dumbledore,after all.So maybe you could befriend him.And Ginny,if you succed in gaining Voldemorts trust,you will get Dark Mark,it may hurt a little.But at the end if everythings good we will be able to take it off.So,Ginny what do you think?"_Lupin asked a little sad.

I was shocked at first.Then afraid.But then I knew that the Order needs me,and that I will do it!

„_So when will I start preparing for the task?"_

_**Read and please Review!** _


	3. Chapter 3

After the meeting, I was bombarded with questions.Lupin gave me permission to talk about it only with the members of the Order.I decided to tell first Hermione,because we were sleeping in the same room.My mum knew about it already.After I told Hermione about the mission,she looked worried.

„_Ginny!This is too dangerous,do you understand that if Voldemort finds out about you being a spy,you would be killed."_

„_Yes,but its worth it.How many people died because of that monstrum!I want to helpthe Order catch him.i want to be useful.Even i fit means die,but for a good thing"_

I spoke so proudly and sure that I even believed in my own words.

„_But what about Malfoy?How could he possible want to befriend you?"_

„_Well,tajte the other story.Order will help me with that."_

„_But-"_

„_Lets go slep,tommorow starts my training,it will last for two months."_

„_Oh,okay."_

„_Good night,Termione"_

„_Good night,Ginny"_

My training was very difficult,at first.Sometimes I thought I wont handle it,I cried a lot.No one knew about it.Lupin,Tonks,McGonnagal,Slughorn,the whole Order were helping me.I needed to lezen how to talk to Dark Lord,Death eaters.I needed to lezen Advanced Potions Making,Transfiguration,a lot of Defence Against the Dark Arts,and the most difficult for me was to lezen Occulmensy.I have never read so many books in such short period in my entitě life.I felt so exhausted.

Two months passed fast and today Lupin put the artikle about my _run-away thing_, in the newspapers.Tommorow starts my mission.I felt scaried.What if everything blows up!

„_So Ginny…Do you think you are ready?"_Lupin asked.

„_I hope so"_

What else to say?

It was 2p.m and I couldnt slep.My heart was beating fast,and I was sweating.I never felt this way.Today the new life will begin.

„_Hermione,what if I die?"_

„_mhhm.."_

„_Hermione!"_I stood up,came over her bed and started shooking her slowly.

„_Whaa?"_

„_Hermione,do you think I will die?"_I said and with no emotion in my voice,and lied in my bed,again.

„_Ginny,dont talk like that.You wont die.Everything will end good.Do you frankly think that evel will win in the end?"_

I could tell she wasnt sure.She was just trying to encourage me,I appreciated that.

„_I hope you are right"_

Without any other word I fell asleep.

„_I hope too,Ginny"_


End file.
